Saturday, November 22, 2014

Monthly Musings: November 2014

• Can we all agree that getting out of bed sucks, no matter what time of day you do it? #daylightsavings

• Watching my kid try to avoid pooping in the potty by penguin-walking across the room, tiny butt cheeks clenched, each step marked by the staccato of escaping toots, is waaayyy funnier now than I ever would've thought it'd be BC (before children). #laughterthroughtears

• I convinced W not to show our dinosaur-loving three year old the scene in Jurassic Park where the T-Rex attacks an electric car with two kids in it. Two days later, he showed it to him anyway. #emptyvictory #whosthekid #hellsleepwithusforever

• I just left W, a Sunday afternoon beer (the most desperate kind) in one hand and a defiant toddler in the other, to go have coffee with a friend. It felt really good. #HihohihoitsofftoplayIgo

• I wonder why no one has ever thought to use dried oatmeal as an industrial adhesive? 10 minutes in the bottom of a bowl is all it takes to harden into a substance that I truly believe would hold up on atmospheric reentry. #gottacleanthisdump

"There's my favorite red blanket!" she thinks, looking out onto the back patio the day after the torrential downpour. She sighs spitefully, scooping the last of the ice cream onto her plate. #thatllteachhim

• Watching his father break things, crashing and stumbling through his 30's, I wonder if what I've always taken for The Bud's toddler clumsiness "phase" is actually here to stay? #thisiswhywecanthavenicethings

• The Bud has added a new bath toy to his arsenal: a set of Mardi Gras beads made out of pink ducks. With boobs. Oh well...He'll need some reason for therapy.

• Snickers Minis are for chumps. Real women eat Fun Size. #halloweenleftovers

• I just watched my kid walk across the room clutching a Patron shot glass filled with milk, and my only thought was, "Oh good, it's small enough that he can keep a good grip on it and possibly not spill it all over my rug." #igiveup

• There are three types of people: those that prefer that toilet paper come over the top of the roll off the holder (W), those that prefer it come off from under the bottom of the roll, and those who couldn't care less which way it goes, but who take perverse pleasure in putting it on to come off from the bottom because they like to clock how long it'll take Mr. Only Anal About This to notice and change it (Me). If you tell him I said this, I'll call you a dirty liar and deny it to the ground. #youvebeenwarned

• The Bud just ran into the room with one of his cups, asking me to unscrew the top for him. After I did, he thanked me, took the cup and lid, and ran back out of the room. I waited a beat, then followed to find him standing in front of the open refrigerator door, tugging on the 3 gallon water pitcher we keep in there. He had planned to pour his own water (read: make a holy mess in my kitchen). Lesson learned. #askquestions

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