Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Monthly (2nd Half) Musings: January, 2015

• Every year, from the day after Thanksgiving to the day after Christmas, I grit my teeth through the incessant drone of Christmas music. Call me a grinch if you must, but thirty days is too long to expect me to make the yuletide gay with any sort of holiday cheer left intact at the end. I'd be just fine with a week. However, it bothers me not one bit that now, after the final carol has been sung, The Bud has started singing Jingle Bells on a continuous loop. He sings it in the car, in the bathtub, when he's supposed to be sleeping. He's a veritable one-hit wonder of fa-la-las. You'd think I'd be annoyed, but truly I could listen to it all day. Maybe I don't mind so much because when he sings it, it sounds like this: "Dassing frew duh snow...inna n-n-n-n SWEIGH! Ober duh feels we GOOO...waughing all duh WAAY!" #threebonics
• Today, I wore a black turtleneck sweater, black skinny jeans, and black ankle boots. Sporting my current figure, methinks I strongly resembled a California Raisin. #notagoodlook
• In line at the grocery store, I stood behind a man and listened to him tell the cashier that, with freezing rain and sleet in the forcast, he was there to stock up on the essentials. In his cart was the following: a 4 pack of toilet paper and 2 cases of beer. That's it. Gives new meaning to the phrase, asses and elbows. #priorities

• The Bud, two of his dinosaurs, and I sang 'What Did You Have for Breakfast, Today?' this morning. On his list was cereal-oatmeal (kidspeak, for raw oatmeal and granola in milk), turkey bacon, toast, and juice. Dino 1 had turkey bacon and milk. Dino 2? A Tyrannosaurus Rex. #hedontknowhesfunny

• If you're pregnant, do not eat a loaded grilled cheese sandwich twice in a three-day period. The side effects are...don't. Just don't.

• I love my girlfriends. These long suffering beauties are the ones who regularly submit to hearing all the stuff I consider too wildly inappropriate for my blog, yet in spite of what they know about me, they persist in answering my calls and texts. #gottagosomewhere #TMI #girlfriends

• Dear steaming hot chai latte: You're first on my mind when I wake up. I eagerly anticipate our daily commute together--it's the best part of my day. I'm so sad when our time is over, and think of you constantly all day. It's a struggle not to reach out for you in late in the day. I feel your absence keenly...#infatuationisnotdead #caffeine

• Am I the only one who struggles emotionally with whether or not to use a gift card on practical stuff I might need, like plungers? It's all my money. It all gets used. I still have to buy that plunger. Still though...I'd rather spend "work cash" on it than a gift. #sophieschoice

• When I want The Bud to do something he hates, like submit to having his nails trimmed without an epic, life-or-death struggle, I've been encouraging him to identify with his daddy, The Artist. I'll say, "hmm, Buddy, your nails are getting kinda long. It's time to clip them short, like Daddy's." He idolizes his father, so it works every time. I realized last night that this kid is actually starting to pay attention to what I say and to draw logical conclusions, when he picked up my hand and said in all seriousness, "hmm, Mommy, you nails get too wong...time clip 'em short, wike Daddy's." Then he looked up at me, expectantly. I had two choices: 1) tell him something silly and condescending like, "oh, honey, mommies can have long nails, but daddies and little boys can't!" or 2) put my money where my mouth was and cut my gorgeous, well-manicured, prenatal vitamin enhanced nails to show my boy that rules sometimes do apply to everyone, whether they be big or small. Needless to say, today my nails (while still well-manicured) are a bit stumpy. # backfire #watchwhatyousay #parenting #sniff

Monday, January 5, 2015

Monthly (Half) Musings: January 2015

Happy New Year, you gorgeous people! I hope you've had a wonderful holiday season, and that getting back to the grind hasn't been too painful. Typically, I save my Musings for the end of the month, but with only five days under my belt this month, I've already logged so many that I thought I'd split them up--giving you some at the beginning and the rest at the end of the month--you know, like bookends. Here's to getting this shiny, new year off to a great start!

• On New Year's Day alone, I was cut off and aggressively tailgated by two muscle cars--one a BMW, the other a Dodge. Dear Muscle Car Drivers: if you don't want me to believe that you're over compensating for physical and/or mental deficiencies by your choice in automobile, please do yourselves a favor and refrain from such gross vehicular infractions, particularly while driving said muscle cars. That is all.

• No matter how strong the urge, do not go #2 in a public bathroom stall that you're sharing with a 3 year old. It won't be the semi-private experience you were hoping to have, trust me. #dontaskhowiknow #atleasthewasencouraging

• We just found out baby #2 is a girl (henceforth & forever to be known in this life and on this blog as Lady, short for Ladybug), and not a moment too soon, in my view. The menfolk in my house are currently holed up in the Bud's room, watching dinosaur fight scenes on YouTube. This baby is my last ditch effort to restore some balance around these parts. #outnumbered #desperate

• Thank God (and my friend Shannon) for maternity yoga pants. #namaste

• I had my first opportunity to park in one of those 'Expectant and New Mothers' parking spots the other day. Pulling out as I waited to pull in were two women in a truck with the windows rolled up, both taking deep drags from cigarettes. The driver met my eye with a "Prove I'm not pregnant; I'd really like to see you try," gleam in hers. Now I've seen it all. #secondhandsmoke #mustnotbeshowingyet

• How long can you expect to fear a little boy peeing in your eye? If you'd asked me an hour ago, I'd have said 'until he's 3 weeks old, probably.' That's the last time mine did it to me, anyway. I've since had to adjust that date to 'forever, and most likely, today could be the day.' Because he peed in my eye today. The only emergency eyewash kit I know about is not convenient to my house. #nodignity #unclean #OSHAfail

• Another perk of a second pregnancy: there's usually somebody else tagging along with very little credibility, and who still mostly agrees with everything I say, to blame for those uncontrolled toots that slip out in public. Plus, he thinks it's hilarious, so who am I to deny him joy? #winwin #threenager #noshame