Thursday, May 22, 2014

Monthly Musings, May 2014

I have so many random neuron firings in a month's time, I started writing them down to chuckle over in my down time. Sharing them with you is a great way to log a blog post and not really have to do any work. Welcome to my crazy, folks.
Mother's Day is not relaxing or fun unless your children are grown and out of the house. Or at least able to wipe their own butts.

I'm 38 years old. I survived junior high school, puberty, and a dateless senior prom. Shouldn't I get to be done with acne and combination skin, now?
Why, after a nap, does my face look like it was dipped in acid while I slept, but W and The Bud always wake up looking great? #unfair #genderbias
How do you explain peeing in the toilet to a person who has successfully mastered (and prefers) the "pay while you play" method of excretion?
I don't know where I'd be without the women in my life.
Do guys really think no one can see them pick their noses when they're in their cars? #commuterquestions
I don't think I've ever been this tired. EVER. #workingmamaproblems
I think morning breath is a tongue's cry for help. #whatdiedinthere?
A friend said she needed a wife to help her with all the things. #genius #iwantonetoo
I'm driving W's SUV right now. It's high off the ground. I am not. I am, however, always in a hurry. A vehicle I have to polevault into, a hurry, and a pencil skirt do not mix. #dollarstoresewingkitssuck #okmysewingsucks
The gas for said SUV is expensive but the 6-cd changer and subwoofers are badass. #tradeoff #formoverfunction
Can a court jester and a goddess inhabit the same form? Obviously!

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