Girlfriending

Girlfriending is a term that an old friend and I coined (we think) many years ago on one of our epic road trips. We drove halfway across the country in a tiny Honda Civic with credit cards, snacks, 7 mixed cds that we had made to help us power through the 16-hr drive, and a dream. These cds were no joke, either. They were all themed around travel, road tripping and pretty much anything else we thought was awesome at the time. Some, looking in from the outside, may have thought we were crazy. I disagree. We were setting a precedent that has yet to be surpassed. It was necessary. It was girlfriending.

I haven't ever heard anyone else use the word, but anyone who's ever done it effectively knows what it is. Need a working definition? Girlfriending is a single-minded determination to wring every ounce of joy out of a given situation with one, or a group, of your favorite females on the planet. Not because guys aren't a lot of fun or to be exclusionary, but simply because there is a certain magic to finding other women in the world who not only get you, but who you can both laugh with and potentially make a complete ass of yourself with. It usually involves some sort of out-of-the-ordinary experience, but doesn't have to, either. I've known some incredible girlfriending moments doing simple stuff like going for a jog or trying to buy alcohol in a Scottish grocery store at 7:01 pm on a Sunday night (You can't, you know. It's against the law, no matter how persuasive you think you are or how almost 6:59 it is. Give up; you will not win).

I've been thinking about the concept a lot, lately. Maybe it's because I've been in one of those sweet-spots where I've been able to connect easily with people. You know how that goes, sometimes? When it seems like all the stars align just right so that phone calls are always answered, emails are responded to the same day they were written and someone is home for the random drop-by? That kind of sweet-spot.

Maybe, too, it's because I'm so excited that one of my cohorts will be in my time zone for the first time in 6 months, this time, tomorrow. Whatever the reason, I've been having the time of my life reliving some of my best-of girlfriending moments from over the years. I'm so full and so blessed to have lived them all and to have so many incredible people in the hopper, ready to create new ones at any given moment. Or after we put the kids to bed, at least.

So, here is a short list of some good moments I've shared with great friends, neither chronological or in any particular order of importance, just so that I never forget what a great life I get to live. Thanks, ladies, for the adventure. You know who you are.

1) The birthday baptism & skinny dip
2) All-girl prom. Men were invited as bouncers & djs & we all got to be prom queen. 'Nuff said.
3) Two words: apple butter.
4) The Price Is Right. Ugh, I think my PTSD just came back.
5) Europe, 2007
6) Sunday night pillow fights
7) FNWBL
8) Fantasy football
9) Trifecta
10) Lady Marmalade
11) Probably every Thelma and Louise road trip I've ever taken
12) Progressive Sunday dinner: bread sticks from Fazolis, salad from Pasta House & cherry limeaids from Sonic. I'm surprised we are all still alive & have all of our teeth.
13) 'Name That TV Show' charades in Malawi.
14) California Dreamin'
15) Bob Dole's presidential campaign, 1988.
16) My entire junior year of high school.
17) John Burroughs

I'm only stopping because I could keep going. I'll let you stew on that one for a minute, then I demand that you all get out there and make a memory!

Love Stinks, In the Best Possible Way

I've had a problem coming up with a hook for this blog. What can I possibly say that people want to hear, or haven't already heard a million times, in a million different ways? How can I make my blog interesting...creative...relevant?

My first idea? Dating as a single mom. Specifically internet dating as a single mom, which seems to be one of the few ways people like me with limited time and child care can meet other (sometimes) viable heterosexuals, except at church, or unless we live in hippie communes. I'm not knocking church. I love church. I even love a lot of the people I meet at church, but the idea of going there to look for a mate has always rubbed me the wrong way. I heard a pastor say that if you go to church to find God, it's likely that you'll find the other things you might not even have known you were looking for (i.e. community, friendship, a life partner). While that's very encouraging, I'm just gonna be honest and say that what I got out of that was church + God = mate. My over-simplified understanding of that formula has been making me uncomfortable ever since, so as a reaction, I go to church specifically not to find a mate. I don't think I've done a wedding ring check since the day I heard that sermon. I'm also not knocking communes. The idea of living sparingly, off the land, in community with others who share the fruits of our labors and barter for services that we each provide according to our individual talents is actually pretty appealing. Then I think how much I like shaving and wearing bras. And people who bathe, regularly. Maybe there are communes where people do those things, but...*shrug* I'm skeptical.

Eventually, I threw the dating blog idea out. I think they're only interesting to people who don't have to live the daily agony of dating. For the ones in the trenches, reading about other people's relationship hijinks can be like fingernails on a chalkboard. Maybe that's just me, but I still think that most singletons would stand with me when I say dating is a necessary evil that we do in order to get to where we want to be, which is in committed relationships. No one really wants to date forever, for it's own sake, unless they're lying to sound evolved. I'm not evolved. So, I've wracked my brain for a hook and finally accepted that I don't have one. This blog is really nothing more than random, neuronal firings that I occassionally have the energy to put in written form.

Today's firing, while not specifically about dating, is about love. In my 20's, I pretty much avoided it. I've always had lots of people that I care about, but most I kept at arm's length. Romantic love proved elusive, for reasons only my therapist seems to know. It's probably because I've always known on some level that I'm a no-take-backs kind of lover. Try though I might, if I let you into my heart, digging you back out again comes at great personal cost. I'm sure it's that way for everybody, but this is my blog, so it sounds like I'm the first person who's ever loved, I realize that. My point is that for most people, it's a worthwhile risk. For me, it's taken a while to believe that. Instead I pretty much chose a sterile existence--never risk, never lose.

Somewhere in there, though, I got all brave and decided to live the adventure. It has been a mess! You can't believe the mistakes I've made and the starts and misfires I've had. But, in many ways the messes haven't been all bad. I have loved some pretty incredible people, most of whom I still enjoy relationships with to this day. I hope that I'm a composite of all the amazing people who've poured into my life. I've loved true, I've loved hard, I've loved hopelessly, and most recently, since I became a parent, I've learned truly to love selflessly. It's been great, but I haven't known a moment's peace since. Instead of being comfortably insulated the way I used to be, I'm exhilarated, broke, nervous, joyful, heart-broken, concerned, over-worked, sleep-deprived, careful, celebratory, protective, wary, drunk, infatuated and covered in snot. All because I'm hoplessly intertwined in the lives of people who are living lives as risky as I have decided to live. It's a total cluster and I love every second of it. Mostly. ;)

Hope you're living and loving every second of your adventure, today, too.